I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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