i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
