She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
