Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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