I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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