Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize