I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
