dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
