Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When are your genitals available?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
