Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
