I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
