my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
