Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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