I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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