I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize