I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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