God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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