I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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