you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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