so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
