I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
