I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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