I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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