Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
