I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
