She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?