Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
