dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
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Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"