yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
