shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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