So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?