i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.