eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.