Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day