Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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