So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
