ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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