also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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