I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
