Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There's always time for handjobs
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
