apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was confusing and full of hummus
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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