I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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