Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
