i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
