If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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