I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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