check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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