If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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