I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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