are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
