You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
