Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
