I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
