Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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