i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
