there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
