Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
