I must be too annoying 4 u.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
