the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize