You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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