I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
