we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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