all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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