Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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