I hope mine doesn't look like that
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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