she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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