Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize