Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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