Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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