"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
