Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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