wanna go halves on a baby?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
