That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
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I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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