oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
