I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
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Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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