I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
