i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
