i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
