Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
