are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
