apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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