I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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