Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
