I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
