Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
