So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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