i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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